Elucidating Questions

So if I say I love you now

Would you even believe it for a second?

Could you let the words I said stand in the truth of themselves

And the mistakes just pass you by because I didn’t know until I tried

It’s not always the words I see as they are written

But what I see instead

Sometimes I trip and remember what got me here

I thought I had to be some saviour

I knew if I had got to that place other people must have

I thought more people were like me

I didn’t realise I’m a nothing no one has seen before

That made it worse

Suddenly I can’t blend in to a crowd

I can’t let anyone feel that way I have to make sure everyone knows that that thought process

The day following my death would be a better day

Was all he had left as he sat hanging

All he had left as he sat hanging

All she had left as she sat burning

All they had left as they bled out and poisoned

Even if for honour it’s the same thought like this is all I can do and when I leave it’ll be better but I can’t stay here

Still in the end of the equation

Equals

If I’m here it won’t be better

And here I was with a terrible dilemma because I heard it

And I wanted to make sure everyone heard it so they would know

It’s not

It’s not better without you so many of you could have made the world so much better if you’d just stayed

Of course it only applies to famous people because the only ones you hear about are the ones written about and of course if there’s no story written they just disappear

But

It doesn’t get better when you go

It gets worse and worse as I carry this load and wish I could get to everyone to let them know that

It doesn’t get better when you go.

The load gets heavier the road gets longer if I get to the end of this one I’ll keep editing out the missed one

Because so what if I learned so much from his lyrics alone and the rest of it got filled in by interview quotes and watching his body language and seeing how he feels when he’s putting on a show and when it’s real

Showing up to a carpet with a toothbrush in your mouth makes perfect sense because carpets go in a house.

Not a street for the feet of those who ¿Shouldn’t have to touch the ground?

I know it’s weird when you hear the sound from the outside the complete outside I’m not a human I’m somewhere else looking in with no context far far away and I see

What we look like to anyone looking in

We treat them like living gods do we not?

If their god was real he’d probably kill them all

Would he not?

A kind man with a book suggestion.

It doesn’t make the pain better but I appreciate the opportunity and I very much wish that intelligence like that wasn’t wasted in

Driving a bus

Where did all the smart people go?

They’re driving buses

Working in Target

And McDonald’s so

I can’t listen to music that

Puts down a person or a group or a living person who now knows that the story all about them is on millions of tongues

Now come back and see how many songs are sung

Because I can’t turn off the empathy

I’m reading radios and people and electronics and bass lines and wave lengths and fucking cities

But I still don’t know why

And the world has bled me dry of a song that won’t make me cry

So I stand alone in silence

Listening to buses running idly by

A man in a construction vehicle I can’t remember the name of

And then silence.

I wish I was in Japan.

Since that’s impossible I wish I was dead.

Don’t mind the quake.

It’s all in my head.