Elucidating Questions

Happy birthday

Grandma

See he’s been going on about family

And I feel so alone here and I feel like I failed

I feel like I failed my family and you loved us all so much and

I love you and I wish I could make it all better

Grandma is this how it was supposed to be?

Was I supposed to be here?

Grandma I miss you but I don’t know

I think if you were here you would have turned me out too

I don’t know how to trust anymore

Grandma I can’t remember how to trust people

All I expect from them is pain

All I expect is that I’ll screw up and it’ll be the final failure and I’ll be all alone again

Grandma happy birthday

But I don’t know if I would be allowed to wish you it if you were alive

Grandma

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a family again

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have friends again

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again

I’m lost and I don’t know where to turn

I screamed for help

And no one came

I wish I had died instead of you

Because then they’d be happy today

And I’d be forgotten

I wish I had died instead

I’m so sorry you died and never got to see your great-grandchildren

Grandma I wish I had died instead

I wish I had died instead of you

You were so important

Happy birthday