Elucidating Questions

I wish I’d been born somewhere I could be me

Somewhere not so tight and constricting

Somewhere where people don’t tell me not to be me because no one else is like me

Isn’t it better to be me?

They don’t see it that way so I sink it beneath the waves

Hold it under until the colours bleed our and the screaming stops

When it comes back up I hate myself

And my self hates me too

They keep insisting I chose this

Like I made conscious decisions to be this way

When I know when I’m making conscious decisions

And I didn’t decide any of this

It’s like all the things that should work

When put outside just never end up how I wanted them

Don’t take it personally

I just don’t want to do it anymore

Any of it

Having my self rejected

By everyone and everything

I don’t even hate any of you I’m just sorry I had to come disturb your beautiful perfect everything

No one else has the issues with it I do

So I must be the one who’s wrong

Otherwise I’d have allies.

And I don’t.