Elucidating Questions

In the morning I’ll be somewhat alive

Just like I’m somewhat alive now

Fighting and fighting

You come up because I was thinking of you in moments I shouldn’t have

Because he was standing in the doorway

And I wondered if he was even really here

Like an ethereal being

Like no one else has as much patience

Like no one else has given me as many second chances

Like at the moment I wondered if he really cares

Like the moment I wonder if it’s all meaningless

When it has to end

Because it has to end

The one who holds me in arms empty burned away and gone

Where there’s no flesh to hold on to

When I feel safe

Where he is

Where he isn’t

I still love you

I will always love you

Yes I’m selfish and foolish

No I would never get bored of you

Yes I do know what who what I want

Come,

My golden haired beautiful gone boy

Let’s wrap ourselves in these blankets

And when I dream of you tonight

In the room where we walk talk explore

Dream

For hours

Come my beautiful compassionate boy

Let’s sleep

Come and sleep with me

I miss you I love you I look for you every day

Today you were the guy on his phone sighing exasperatedly

Tonight you’re the creak in the house

When I asked

Are you really?

And you said yes

And told me to go the fuck to sleep.