Elucidating Questions

What future could I want

I thought I knew what I want but it was proven untrue

I think this is how I decide I don’t want anything

The want doesn’t exist when there is no desire

And the desire decided to be erased

I tried to laugh it off but I couldn’t quite get over the sting so I took it back

Was it on the floor before

The ocean is so fucking blue right now

Deep and dark and blue

I wish I could live there

There’s no money under the waves

I could go wherever I wanted

I could swim anywhere any time

I only wish there was another time

I’m so used to being tossed aside

Far too empty to want to start to know any new faces

Far too hurt to ever want to try again and start it from hello and then

There’s nothing left of me to try to put together the possible tomorrows that never come

Hope is a lie that proves itself in time to be nothing but a shy thought that wanted to trick you into thinking it was worth it

But it never happens and when the time comes to realise it turns around and laughs at you for believing the lies it whispered to you so long ago

Like a fool for ever believing in anything so grand and foolish

It sinks in its teeth and drinks what you made

A sick twisted juice that feeds only the pain

Of never having a tomorrow that’s any better than today

And it drinks until it’s full and then flies away

Laughing and leaving you behind where you stand wishing you just had a hand but as soon as the thought that someone could come

Comes up in the mind it’s back again waiting and whispering false truths

So it can once more make a fucking fool of you.