Elucidating Questions

This day

This fucking day

Every day is this day

If every day after this

Is the same as every day before this

Why do I have to stay here and live this

Again and again and again and again

Why do you hate me?

Why do I have to watch everyone else grow up and be happy while I sit here waiting again and again and again and again

Only for nothing to ever change or happen only for no chance no light no nothing

Why do I have to get up to live this day again and again and again and again

The numbers change and people change and reality changes but I just stay the same

Every day is a day I won’t remember

Every single fucking day is gone

The same day of nothing and no one and endless memoryless emptiness

Why are you making me live this?

Over and over again and again

I beg and scream and cry and plead and

Just something

Please just give me something to hold on to anything to make the day worth living

Anything please I’m begging you I need anything

And I give and I give and I try so hard to give everything I can so that there is a chance that something

Anything

Something

Please for the love of

You took him away from me

You monsters took him away from me and I didn’t even know I needed him

It doesn’t get better it only gets worse

You keep taking and taking and taking

And I’m begging and pleading and scrambling to make sure I have them all safe so you can’t take anything else away

But it’s still the same day

And I still don’t remember anything

And it never gets better

The box can’t fucking save me.