Elucidating Questions

I’m ready

Desperate

For the end.

I am desperate for this to be the last

I’m desperate for I don’t care if there is nothing just this to be over

I don’t want daytime to come again or tomorrow to be a better day

Because there’s no tomorrow

There’s no tomorrows that could make my life worth it anymore.

I don’t believe it.

I just want this to be the last so I never never never have to do this again

I don’t care if there’s nothing out there if it just stops I just want it to be over and done with so I never have to wake up again

I don’t want to be here or there or anywhere

Nothing could make this worth it and I know that because I know that nothing is all that is coming forward and back back and forth

I don’t want to be in this place where everything is beautiful and no one ever sees it

And no one ever sees me and I’m still nothing

So I have to be good as good as I can be so that when the moment finally comes

I know I’ll never have to regardless of whose what is right or not right or everyone is right or no one is right and it does some other fucking thing

Because hell can’t be worse than this so damned I was yesterday or before that or over and over again because

Fuck this place

Look around and tell me what the fuck that we’re doing because I don’t know

The light goes out and there’s no wind and I miss him

I don’t know how to feel about any of it anymore than I ever have or did or will.

Never knowing where I am or why

Now it’s a headache

You don’t hear the chatter between the lines I can’t transpose every rushing racing thought

You don’t know where I paused and stared and got lost

Just like I don’t know you.