Elucidating Questions

I put you together in my head

Built you out of dreams and parts I wanted

Then I considered the imperfections and took you apart again

Piece by piece because there’s no way you could be everything I need and want all at once

I took all the parts and laid them down,

Ready for anything and anyone because it can’t be so simple as what I see and who I want

So I imagined all the terrible things you could do to me and decided what I could handle

Everything

So I imagined all the terrible things you could do to someone else and decided what I would overlook

Everything

So you’ll never be what I want you to be and you’ll never look how I imagined and you’ll be far from perfect because perfect doesn’t exist

I tried to put you back together but reality was despair.

I can’t even hold you in my mind you’re not a person you’re just an idea that I’ll never find.

Ignore the blinding blue light who was everything I ever wanted and more who will never want me

Sorry

She’s just better than me.

You’ll find someone better than me before I find you and I’ll never get to you you’ll always be out of reach.

You won’t love me because I am unlovable.

We won’t even meet.

You’ll pass me on the street and I’ll feel like I want to say something but I won’t.

This cruel reality where I’ll never find you.

No matter where I look no matter how hard I’ll try.

I’m so angry at you for being nowhere.

I never want to smile again I never want to feel anything how could you be nowhere when you’re everything I need

How could you be out of reach

How could you leave me like this without a word and never even try to reach out for me

How could you.

I want to hate you.

An idea that will never be born.

Never be within reach.

I saw you in my mind and wanted you more than anything.

But you’re nowhere.

I want to hate you so my heart stops hurting.

It just sinks.