Elucidating Questions

Staring in morbid amazement at my muscles as they appear on a screen.

There’s nothing there.

Dammit.

I wanted there to be something there so it wasn’t just an extreme pain for the fun of it

Damn my body to hell.

How do I forgive my own body for doing this shit to me all the time?

If I had something concrete I wouldn’t have to hate myself for having no control over how much it hurts.

If only I could turn it off.