Elucidating Questions

I wish there was another sun

This cruel twisting magic.

The spell I’m put under.

I watch them go.

Most don’t even get to me before they do.

If I want it is it going to misfire on purpose

Just take it away I’m begging.

This moment is too long.

The sputters and jerks that would make you think it’s over

It’s not over

Not like that

I don’t believe you.

There has been no data to show otherwise.

I have collected no data that shows that it’s not like that.

I could say I saw what I loved and loved it.

Didn’t see anything that was what I didn’t want.

I could say too many things for no reason for hours.

Can’t talk me in to eating when I just don’t want to.

Can’t talk me in to believing when I haven’t seen one single sign

It doesn’t really add up does it

The actions and the silence.

“Poker face is something every good unwanted mental case learns to put on don’t let it fool you.”

If anyone misses me then it would be a shock.

After all we live in a world were every human who is allowed to connect is connected

I wish it would end.

Because then I could go back to pretending someone misses me and wants to see me.

Instead it’s all just hollow nothing noises that never quite connect because

Disproven theories are thrown into the garbage and the paper is imperfect

Or maybe I’m just not the you who everyone is missing

Maybe I’m some thing that took over when no one wanted me and now everyone is wishing some old me who I had to get rid of to cure the emptiness would walk back in and actually be able to do something

But no one ever proved me wrong

When I thought about how terrible I am or that I can’t help or that I’m useless or that I have no future or that I’m all alone

All alone

I’m always all alone.

I don’t freak out. I don’t be loud unless masked I don’t throw my hands up I don’t do anything

The whole point was I wasn’t freaking out until I lost it

I guess.

It’s all a joke.

Haha…

I laugh when I cry.