Elucidating Questions

It goes back to normal so easily like I was never even here.

A fight I will never win.

A war I never wanted to begin with.

I can stare at them the meaningless lines and remind myself

I’m the only one who walked away scarred.

I’m the only one who walked into the mess.

I’m the only one who walked out.

Outcast from a life I was never meant to live.

What can I say the gate shut behind me and I saw the cage and thought

You get what you need

I know it’ll be forever

But it’s going to be a long time

I regret saying those things

Because I used to think I was worth

Because I was desperate and scared

Because I’m never going to win.

In the scars I’ll hide my true feelings they’ll never know

I’m ready to sleep now I’m ready to go

Put myself to sleep

I’m not sure why you thought I’d shy away from the thought of a death so easy when I already feel all the things I do

Trying to find loopholes because the opposite doesn’t matter.

You can live without me.

I’m well aware.

I’m going to come back.

You are.

Didn’t seem so awful this morning but here I am alone

Lonely

And lonely

And lonely

Why am I lonely why can’t I just ignore it and enjoy the

The sunset or the birds

Enjoy the moment

Encapsulated in time.

But I’m breathing and every breath doesn’t bring me closer

It just hurts

And the pain is louder than your pretty pictures

They’re pretty

You have pretty pictures

But there’s no one here to hold on to when it’s all I ever needed.

I wish I knew how I did it so I could undo it

No one calling on the phone

No one knocking on the door

No one asking for me

No one wanting me

I was told all my life of stories of people who would want me and that there would be someone who would come along and make it seem better and that person would love me as much as I love everyone.

But the clock strikes and strikes and strikes and nothing

No one

Forever alone

Like that fucking joke

I’m an internet joke.

I’m a fucking joke.

I’m having a hard time

That sounds rough. Bye.

Plans so far in the future I have so much time to kill

Before the next thing that’ll feel like I’m being

Two and a half months

Two and a half to go

It’s never the message I want.

It’s never how I want it to go.

This someday

Are we there yet?

Or can I just ask until you turn around because I want to go home

I never wanted any part of this trip.

I just wanted my dreams to come true.

Well I guess they are.

Someone’s basement is flooded.

Someone has a friend.

Someone has a lover.

It’s just not me.

I guess it’s just not me.