Elucidating Questions

What a loud debate.

They insist

They insist

They insist

Loud and in my face

Caught off guard I’m having a conversation with a shadow and I don’t know when it started.

You know the consequences.

Your last chance.

Very last chance.

Ringing ringing ringing.

Why do I know the consequences

Pointed stare

I never said I was going to pick you up.

Stuck to me like a captain on a ship.

How do you steer without a face?

The question was so loud and the answer was sure

Is sure

The stare

Of faceless eyes.

I went to the door.

I just wanted to go see how the story was going and and

I don’t know but the door was bright

Large and the cards streamed out the frame

Into the peach and pink and white swirling

If there’s midnight hour and a midnight television

There must be hours of other things

Maybe that’s why I get stuck

He’s stuck.

No

Bad

Days

Are you saying I’m not allowed or that I won’t have any

Your voice is too commanding please just be calmer

He’ll never know I’m hiding in him again.

He’ll never know what led up to it.

He’ll never know if I could I would trade what I have for him.

A spider crawls on the bag and I wonder where I brought it from.

Small friend if you stay still I’ll find you a new place

So just hold on tight for a bit

What a twist of fate.

You woke up in one place

And now you’re on the journey of a lifetime

But you don’t see anything

You’re on my arm now

I’m covered in threads,

But he reached the end of his unlikely journey.

Can you walk quietly while I think about the implications of not carrying him all day and making sure he got home.

Accidentally displacing life

I’m sorry

I’m human

Are we really better than hell?

Fate interferes

The warmth of Jupiter as I sung unwittingly towards

Almost

I don’t know what I think of it I just think it hurts.

Why should I if that’s the opposite of the direction I wanted.

He would kill my heart

He already got my spirit.

気合

No

気愛

No but

魂じゃない

I don’t know. But I lost it so that must be why no one wants me anymore

Except shadows and figments.

Invasive thoughts.

You said I was allowed to break it but then it was pretentious.

I really do think everyone can believe whatever their stupid minds want I just wish

I could be as open about the world I experience.

Not surprised to look and see the thought and the time adds up.

I only find tricks and well timed punch lines funny.

The world stopped being funny when I stopped understanding the basis of everything.

Isn’t that funny?

It doesn’t talk much these days it just stutters

I tried to give a self introduction and when I realised I was under the eyes of the entire room I couldn’t
Once upon a time I sang on stage

Once

Twice

Three times

Four if you count the elementary.

More if you count memories gone.

Once being that centre made me feel like I could fly.

It made the words come easy and the subtle movements

I’m afraid to dance.

I have only danced once and it went wrong.

But I don’t know if I’ll ever get back there.

I only know I don’t fit in anything they have held out marked on the boxes in their head.

It’s not my name on the box.

They don’t do it like I do.

They don’t have a box for every person filled with pictures and audio clips and important facts and I can’t find the slip marked birthday but I have this picture of you laughing and I don’t know where it came from.

Because I’ve never seen you laugh.

I don’t understand the boxes they hold

I don’t fit in them because every person has bits and pieces that don’t fit and

No one fits in the stereotype box it’s too small

I can’t find people scattered between all the boxes

How do you say you know me?

Scribbled on the boxes are nicknames

Some have labels

Some say warning

Some say

Never again.

If I dumped them all out I may find common strings that led me from one to another,

But I can’t take the boxes into the Hall of memories because if I open the wrong door the flood or the fire may wash and burn away what the box was supposed to be

My precious pieces of people I love.

This box says

Future.

But I don’t believe it so I turn away.

I don’t know what to believe anymore but I know what I can’t.

Everything happened just elsewhere

No one is writing my story.