Elucidating Questions

Awakening empty

Already sitting up and the moment when the eyes open and there’s no light

Like the eyes can’t see I’m blind.

So I got used to it but I think no one else could.

So many things wrong with me that nobody could love.

So many broken pieces I had no control over that no one will love.

Coming to this slow realisation

Climbing the slow rise

The elevation that goes up and then drops and then goes up higher and then drops

Why does no one love me

I ask it because I’m lonely and there’s no one here

I never used to cry. I was the one they wanted to break most breaking her is nothing

She breaks on her own

But this sick sinking as the list comes

To answer the question that erases the question.

All good reasons.

Do they have to haunt my dreams now too?

It’s the only place we hide that lets us feel loved.

I guess there’s no such thing as perfect.

I guess I already knew that but I was hoping that this one thing could withstand the daily truth.

As the night closed in she broke into pieces and I went to sleep maybe I’m the one who gets nightmares but she had them too

We share dream memory

I still don’t know why it is

I don’t have any interest in today.

I know it’ll be the same as all the rest.

I know he’ll never love me, he decided not to.

I know he’ll never see me, he decided not to.

I know I’ll never meet anyone

I can’t go outside.

I don’t want to be lonely surrounded by people together over and over and over and over again.

I don’t know why it’s your voice I want to hear

But there it is and I feel just a bit better

Just a bit all right.

Like one second I’m on this train heading to suicidal thoughts and in sweeps and owl I feel like I got slapped upside the head.

By Alive.

I wish I could apologise for you accidentally saving me again.

See I don’t know when l drop if I’ll get back up because I keep trying

Some time I’ve got to get it right so every jarring every smack upside the head

I’ve been missing you.

いつもの用にありがとう。