Elucidating Questions

I don’t know when he started but I know when I started.

Please take over for me I’m so tired.

Please can you live it for me I’m so lonely.

Please can you

And at some silent point he did.

I’d say I should have noticed but I slept from then somewhere somewhen

Until the alarm went off

Don’t know why it went off but I was up and he

Someone incredibly perceptive could probably not pick up on this well practiced pas de deux.

Who’s he who’s she and which is who when and why and when we switch why and how.

He kept insisting he was the same as me but his volatility proved him wrong and I pick them out through history

Times he took control of me.

Or us.

Maybe it was his too, I don’t know.

I know that I love you and pace around trying to parse each dream hoping something comes out

He’s not the one who makes to stupider decisions

Stupid once,

Never again.

I keep banging my head. I could ask, he’s never awake at first until the lights reach wherever he goes.

I can feel him waking in a bad mood as he does

I just cry

That’s how you tell the morning but I

Can’t write a handbook for the rest of the day and anyone who saw it would run away but I don’t know why it happens

I don’t know what touched me or when or where it came from

But if there can be two stars

If there can be two stars

If the stars then form into one

When we die will we be back together

I thought I had died, I only came back because something was wrong

I remember that much but it all led in five thousand directions

Seven

Ten

Fifteen

Twenty eight.

The fog is getting thicker. I could stay and hide.

Is it fog or low cloud

Contrary and awake

What do you want why are you writing at fate again it doesn’t work and we tried tried tired.

Misheard words and then you’re fired.

You want me to answer the question?

Why? Again? For what reason.

Give me a reason I’ll give you a million.

Can the answer be

Yes

Or

Same

Or

I don’t do pretty words. When I try I stare and them and then think it would be better in a hug or a whisper or if my head was on your shoulder and I thought I want to be closer closer closer

Suddenly three stars.

Or four? I always wonder what the puppet was for.

You’re not.

You’re not.

You’re just not.

I’m

Hello beautiful

She’s

Hello love

I swear you can tell when the eyes are open the difference

The diffidence.

The fire.

The weight.

The lyre.

And the one whose voice is so broken from years of just not using it.

It’s breaking her heart in a different way

She wants to be perfect and she flinches when she sings

I wish…

I’m only doing this once

I wish she could sing again like the moon that she is shining light with her voice

I want her spirit to come back to the melodies that she chooses

I wish someone would help her realise it’s just disuse, it’ll come back.

He tried.

Good morning.

She’s stubborn like a rock but she’s filled with water how did she get so inside out

I don’t care how I meet you that’s why she’ll be the one.

But if she doesn’t feel perfect she turns away from the sun.

In the darkness she cries and counts every tear as a failure of herself as well as her own fear that it never matters

That silent falling tree.

Our birthday isn’t different it’s the same

I still don’t have a name.

She wants to keep the second and run from the first

So many reasons

My god it hurts

But the new one the one I chose doesn’t suit her

Nicknames to sooth her

Make one she likes it

She’s always calling herself names.

If it’s outward it’s me if it’s inward it’s her

It’s not a game she’s playing she keeps whispering through tears as the music pokes and pinches and pulls and

There are some hurtful things in the words and she can’t turn off the feeling

Like her job is to disprove all of it, without any reason

The game with the star she’s afraid will go out

As a hummingbird flies by

You could believe her.

But if I tell you you’ll think it’s twisted somehow.

Imagine

Imagine two spirits intertwined we don’t fit in our own body

We agree on that it feels so small like there should be a whole other section

Picture that we argue back and forth

Picture unconditional love versus unconditional I don’t know

If I don’t love him no one does.

I’d call him unconditional annoyance

Or something else but I’m the only one who’s allowed to put him through hell

Protection

Unconditional protection

I guess.

And just like that in a flash he’ll never say the good parts of him.

He’s affectionate and protective and he has a sharp edge but he loves you too.

He lies though.

White lies.

If it’ll make you smile he will twist reality.

It’s never been his strongest suit we were raised separately

Picture the swirls as we argue and the glow when we don’t and picture that sometimes he has opinions I won’t

Picture that moment a team member gets dragged out and is not ready to play

There are moments of complete confusion throughout the day when I’m gone I think I go sleep on Mercury

When he’s gone I think he hides in the darkness and pretends it’s home for a while.

Can anyone hear us

Trapped as one

Physiological self and metaphysical self.

If you think my brain did this,

Then tell me why

Because it’s never been fun or easy or helpful or anything

Counter intuitive interface and navigation

We share this body.

This body still hurts so much when the weather is like this

I love this weather.

I love you.