Elucidating Questions

Standing at the rain I’d been standing in so long a caught a chill in the breeze

I can still hear it falling I listen while I still can to the drops

Yes this is what I meant when I said rain I meant the kind that lasts for a day

Or two the kind that leaves the leaves sighing and the animals breathing too. The kind that drips and doesn’t dry in ten minutes

The kind where you’re so wet by the end of the day that you don’t see or feel it raining

You have to hear it

Falling so rhythmically

You’re so far away

My depth perception only goes so far

Do you think maybe you

Focused in the wrong direction

Just a thought I had when I was listening to something completely different and wanting to know why

I think maybe I’m talking to the wrong person.

I love you any way.

Anyway

Regardless

No matter

Unconditionally?

So over dramatic I just love you okay…

It’s not something so fantastic or beautiful as anything anyone else has ever written

It’s ripped and I tore it and there’s so many holes but it’s still love it’s just that it doesn’t believe in itself

I don’t know if I believe in it

Or it’ll just be one of those things I hear about

See played out in front of me

Sometimes I get these moments where it’s like I just get so angry at you for

The possibility of something you are almost certainly not even doing but possibly almost certainly

It’s just me worrying

Why am I worrying about you I showed you my scars before they had formed

And I think that was a terrible thing to do but I tried…

I tried to warn you I lose it completely and I don’t know who that is but it’s on the edge of my self all the times this

Crying whimpering mess who can’t see anything but darkness

I don’t remember any of it so I’d have to ask someone who saw.

Selfishly self destructive because showing people is wrong

Isn’t it?

I don’t think I owe an apology this time I have no words to give or anything

It may happen again I don’t know if I can just keep a straight face on long enough to get away from it

The scars don’t mean anything they’re just railroad tracks gone wrong

When they stop aching I’ll cover them with something.

You’re so far away and I did such a good job of making sure that every inch is counted not just in distance but space and time and

The edge I’m standing on is not a ledge but if it was I would consider it.

That’s not your fault it’s a fact of my existence.

The ground between us drops out and creates a great gash a hole a divide a

The bigger they are the smaller the hole is.

Does it create a line to be crossed or a great divide or

I found it

It’s between us.

Do you feel it?

Probably not

It’s the deepest hole on earth.