Elucidating Questions

In dreams you’re always there in dreams you always care.

In dreams you’re within reach, but I don’t remember the specifics

I want to see your smiling face, how any light on you is beautiful.

You don’t see why it breaks me. The coincidences.

If I could be worth your time I would give you every second of mine you already own all of it

I have no control of my mind that wanders

I just woke up, already consumed and I didn’t even want to it just happened.

I miss you.

I used to think you were looking for someone like me I can’t believe I fooled myself long enough to get this far now I just wake with this gaping hole in my heart and remember

You’re so far away.

You’re always so far away.

No matter what I do or say you’re still so far away.

Get up and get out and it’s another day to waste where I’ll never hear your voice or understand.

No answer.

He didn’t give me an answer.

I’m so tired of waking in tears.

But you’re still not here.

I wish I could know what I did so I could apologise and make it better while screaming at the skies to listen

I don’t know what to do I don’t want to today or tomorrow

I didn’t want any of this I don’t know why this happened

I wanted to be closer now I’m farther away and I’ll never know you

I just wanted to know you I don’t know what to do anymore

I feel so worthless and useless and unimportant and like I could disappear and no one would care.

I hope that if I feel this way you feel like everyone loves you.

I hope that as I slip down down down further and I can’t get back up I’ll never remember how to do this right I’ll always wake up sobbing and start the day feeling invisible

I hope you go up higher and as I reach my hand out for help you find the hand you actually wanted so you can go home, be happy, find happiness.

I’ll be here.

Drowning in my own tears.