Elucidating Questions

I don’t want to hear myself when I see him.

I love him.

He’s so beautiful.

I can almost hear him singing.

What did he want to say to the camera, such intense blue.

I love the blue.

I love that guitar I tried to draw one today and failed did you see?

No of course you didn’t.

Parallel for a reason no crossing over.

Won’t you come see me?

No…I’m sorry such a question I never should have asked.

I should have known you better than that.

I wish I could make sure you stay.

Worrying for no reason don’t mind me.

Vulnerability is not the strong suit of the man in the suit.

I felt the mask slip back into place, smack back on to my face as I thought things like

I’ll be the village whore

Sarcasm to myself because to be a whore people have to want you still.

Stop falling in love with everything you fucking slut.

That was probably my rationality back in the day when I was trying to come up with a way to get your attention and that one time it

I looked really stupid that night but I don’t remember why I felt that way or what day it was or what month

I suppose I could check, it’s there after all.

If I could remember everywhere I left a print I would go back and erase all of it for a second to say

I was lonely and you were all I had left at the time and I think I got desperate.

I don’t know.

I don’t understand why I did it.

I still don’t understand why.

Not sure if it matters but writing the fortunes of others was fine until I saw the break and I still am not over the horror of

I hope you get your drummer back

Because I wrote it,

But I don’t understand why.

Bits and pieces strings and shards nothing left whole and nothing left behind.

Things that stood out that at the time I knew something.

But why.

But why.

Why why why I don’t care if it’s rude or what the answer is you woke me up for this bullshit I need an answer

You don’t get to say it’s better to never or that there is no answer or that I will never know the reasons why because

That’s not an acceptable answer you fuckwit that’s why.

How did we get from him to you.

Not listening not listening not listening.

Give me the answer I seek or they come out again and we all know

All that shit happened so there has to be an explanation.

Figure it out.

I was well in my sleep and I could have stayed there forever just me had you just let me know once or something

A hint would have been nice now I shake in the window and stare up at the sky

Someday isn’t soon enough.

I need an answer.

Why?