Elucidating Questions

I want to be right.

I want to be good enough.

But bringing myself never made anyone smile.

I want to sketch stupid hearts and write sappy love notes.

No one wants them. No one likes them. No one acknowledges them.

Nothing.

It never mattered what I said or did I can’t even say I tried I have nothing to show for any of it.

Repetition repetition.

Try something new you sound like a fucking broken guitar with only two strings.

No I don’t want to follow my heart, it never worked.

He hates me.

My daily nightmare that the only person who ever mattered

He hates me.

I wanted him to love me or at least know me or something I wanted to love him and show him he’s worth it and every day with him is special and worth it.

On the outside.

Inside I’m choking on my own chest trying to hold it back because I’m so easy to push past and ignore.

They always ignore.

I’m worth ignoring.

Ignoring doesn’t take effort.

I wish I was being erased.

I wish I could find an eraser for myself.

One error that could be forgiven if it just had never happened.

Why should I ever see myself in a different light when no one sees me regardless

I hate me.

Maybe that’s why he hates me.

I deserve it.

I always get what I deserve.

That’s a lie.

But I must deserve it.

Kind understanding person looks at me and sees nothing.

I’m nothing.

Always a zero.

Always a zero.