Elucidating Questions

I’ll stop playing the mermaid if you stop with the glass slippers.

I still don’t know why he said that he insists that it made sense

I insist that he was being an ass.

Or just being pointy for no reason.

He’s the thorns.

I think I was supposed to be the petals.

So much going on in my mind if I could just simplify it and have it have meaning.

Still whining about how much I love you on the internet while pretending every day is completely normal but it isn’t.

Underneath the surface.

The stem, or the roots, or the seed, I don’t know.

Some daily life I would give up in a heartbeat.

I wish I was on land only until I’m there and then I think the water was kinder

I don’t want to drown without you.

Why every time things like “creating memories” are jabs or jokes at my expense.

It’s been a year now, since the memory went out the window.

I don’t remember anything between now and then bang and then the muddled mess of story telling and just taking it too fucking far.

Hi let’s play video games together.

It never would have been so easy.

So easily side tracked I keep looking at the trainwreck the slow and steady run to failure

Epic failure, it goes on and on.

Even the recent screaming past doesn’t quite have pictures just feelings.

Just feelings that I can’t afford to think of for if I do

I’ll just sink.

No matter what I give,

The day to day is the same I just have my own hideaway.

Not that I ever needed to hide no one was ever looking for me.

That’s all anyone ever had to say,

Regardless of whether then or today I think I was trying to assure you it would be okay I think that’s not how anyone would read it

I don’t know why my emotions don’t translate.

Does every word get lost in the web?

I don’t understand what my ulterior motive could be, I thought through many and tried to chase them away

Because I keep being paranoid of my own intentions everyone always tells me why I do things and it never matches up I just wish

Someone knew me and could see I don’t mean any harm or understand why I cause it.

Slipped on the wrong wavelength

I’m so tired.

How do I let go of nothing?

I ask myself then go back to digging the hole.

At the bottom of the sea.

If I’m not on a mountain,

Nothing.

Every time I’ve tried to let go I’ve let myself down by finding myself right back at his imaginary door again.

Who cares where my thoughts have been I try to keep them to myself but it feels like I missed something

And these days will be gone soon I won’t remember them so I may as well leave behind

Whatever this is.

My own mind thinks my life is not worth recording and instead dumps me into freezing waters of memories in an undercurrent I didn’t ask for

This twisted broken fantasy that could have been so much better if I hadn’t been cast.