Elucidating Questions

I lie pressed against the stone.

There’s nothing to hold on to.

The clear white surface, smooth against my palms, I lie

But I like him.

I whisper but it’s not enough.

It’s not strong enough I scream it to the heavens so the letters stand up strong but the word has no weight, not like the stone.

A word with out weight that the magnitude causes the point and the line to swirl in on themselves into a never ending cycle, one.

That causes the line and the vector to fall to its side and only what can be seen from the horizon, the sky.

But I love him.

I say, I scream

But I love him.

The tires screech, I stop

Pulled to reality what am I doing?

Seeing these nightmares and dreams in waking hours alike.

Trying to keep everything alight.

What am I doing?

But lying one the stone I feel it against my cheek

But I love him.

Lost in waves of complete insanity

The puppet that was pulled on a string the videos played and horror.

I want to know why. Why I had to play mirror.

Why the story that was so clearly written before I did it

Ended in a joke of the first. From the first to the first.

A capsule of impossible horrible coincidences.

From then the chaos.

But I love him.

Even if the memories keep haunting I have to keep them safe, clean.

Like the stone, clear.

Even if they haunt me they’re my

Even if they tear me apart they’re my

They’re mine.

But I can’t move it I merely stay still watching.

I needed to see him so I could understand what happened. How it could happen. Why.

I wish I could look at him and lie

Smile and say

It didn’t happen

I love you.

But I can’t.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Never knowing why in this endless ending that began with an awful truth I had to live through that haunts me every day.

In the night it was sweeter.