Elucidating Questions

The memory clear as crystal

Of standing on the wrong side and feeling cut off

Watching him move for the last time

I wanted to know if he was okay.

He wasn’t but I don’t know and will never know why.

Closing away into the darkness of the rest of the night

The first and last sight.

Only later on did I stick other feelings to it.

I don’t want to do that.

Recovering the memories whole is more important that taking the pain out on them.

Even when it hurts to go over it at least I can remember

I don’t have to wonder

Wonder what I did or what happened.

It plays like a silent film in my mind.

Tarnished memories like silver touched by the wrong one

Restoration means only the loss of pain and pride thrown on top

This could be better

But not if I can’t go back and feel safe in my own past where things happened

I have to keep what I have as clear as possible.

Never put any dirt over them even if it hurts or even if it makes me want to cry

I have to keep what I have.