Elucidating Questions

They all lived just fine without me when I wasn’t here

That’s where I go to often.

When I’m questioning everything I realize how easily I’m phased out like an old model they’re not interested in anymore.

It’s so easy to be lonely when no one is here, it’s all through a box.

It’s so easy to make the box my friend

And wait for someone to come around in the meantime

But the meantime is so mean it pulls me down into nothing.

I want it to turn around, but I can’t just write the lines in real life it turns into some fantasy novel that I’ve never experienced.

I wanted it to go well from day one,

Like some easy meeting where it’s awkward then it’s fine.

Something like that.

How do you keep a positive outlook and say things like

It’ll be okay

Or

It’ll get better

When it just gets better from the worst and the alternative is nothing.

I’m either down there or I’m in this feelingless nothing desperately trying not to get tipped in.

Why can’t I swim the waters of my own mind?

I miss him.