Elucidating Questions

Survivor’s guilt for everything.

Every gain is someone else’s fall I don’t ignore it but

What am I to do?

I’m not trying to beat out or force down or take advantage of

But every day it’s like this…

How was I ever going to come up with solutions for this

Kept thinking I had ideas

Not answers

I knew immediately that I couldn’t pick sides if I wanted to encapsulate

But then I lost me in the generalisation of the existence

I am not an exemplary embodiment of anything.

Except misery I can’t escape.

There’s no one else here

It’s been months since I felt like I connected

I feel so alone

And I’m broken in so many ways I don’t know why I’m still fighting

Just cuts and bruises I’m still here

Every day I’m still here.

I don’t know what for I can barely breathe through the pain

I’m all alone here.

I said I had enough of all alone in the second month of the year it

Never changed anything.

I don’t know why I’m here.