Elucidating Questions

I wonder how long my mind is going to carry this charade on for.

How long until the dreams figure out they’re hurting me.

Every night

Far away he’s beautiful.

Then I wake and he’s a complete stranger.

Someone I’ll never know, because he doesn’t want to know me.

Somewhere I’ll never know because I don’t do that.

I was wrong.

I keep repeating it, but the heart keeps wandering.

Throw away all the stupid coincidences

They meant nothing even added up.

If everything was gone, I’ve been thinking since yesterday,

If everything was gone.

I want to erase it again.

All this meaningless nothing.

How can I be both?

So I plant a little seed under the tree under too dry earth.

Pent up and angry

Beat down and broken

Lying on the floor in misery.

I fall even in my dreams.

Shouldn’t have fought back.

The fear was real in my dreams.

Is the love real too?

I don’t know anymore.