Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Waking up off the sight of his face and missing it.

I’m just so lonely please forgive me I have to see your face.

As if I could ever say that I’ve already said enough wrong

Over and over and over again

As if it would ever matter

I made a mistake.

It doesn’t change the pain or the love to know it

It just hurts

All of it was meaningless so I pretend it never happened?

No it’s different

I need him

And want him

And love him

I just know I’m not right for anyone.

I just know no one could love me.

I just know that no one is up to it.

I just know that seeing his face makes it better before it gets much worse as I drop

Round and around

Meaningless thought processes swirling in the murk of my own head.

I live here

It’s not home.

I want to go home.

It just happens that home became his face

About three years ago.