Elucidating Questions

Convenient ending

Your cop out, cowardly hiding

Ending because

That’s just how it is

Did you put out any effort?

Don’t answer that, you’d be lying.

Can’t decide what we dream but I can decide to turn on you

Like implying that the tree just fell

That factors weren’t involved.

My subconscious must have thought that was an appropriate excuse

A valid and logical one

But it’s not.

These things happen when one half of the equation doesn’t give a damn.

Even if I took a step back and looked at it from the other side

I have sympathy for you

But I think you’re a coward.

Ending things before they begin because you’re afraid

Isn’t

A thing that happens because it doesn’t work out

It’s cowardice.

That is the bottom line.

I woke up before I could reply

If I could go back to sleep I would fight.

Awake?

Well awake I have proven that no matter how hard you try nothing good happens

Because the one on the other side never recognises me,

Or gives me a chance.

Let’s not dance around it,

You looked at me and I was disqualified

You played with me because you were bored

I told you from day one

Don’t sleep with crazy

And I was crazy in love at first sight

I don’t know if you decided to destroy everything I stand for just to see if you could,

But you did a good job.

Everyone told me it was a bad decision,

But something in you made me want to try.

Do you know that when you told me

You don’t love me

It hurt like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I thought I had to prove you wrong.

I knew there was no way I’d ever get even close to the person I wanted to be near.

I tried.

I wrote for him for months, I wrote for you to try and get it out of me and made it worse.

One year and months gone by I still love you and I don’t understand why.

As for him

I don’t think you should be giving your opinion on either actually I don’t think you have any idea.

But as for him,

I have no words for it because I look like a fucking idiot either way don’t I?

I do.

Two people who I’m not worth the time for who I would give everything away for.

I tried even.

I don’t even want to be with you, because I’m afraid of you more than I was when I believed you cared.

I don’t want to need you. I don’t want you to be the person I go to. I don’t want you

But it doesn’t matter

Because I do.

And I want him so bad and I don’t know why and it makes it hard to breathe the first thing I remember is waking up and feeling like maybe I hadn’t dreamed it maybe there was a chance

You’d opened up a bit and I could try to reconstruct something

Because there’s no chance with him

So it doesn’t matter how much I want him

So inconsequential,

Me.

I wanted it so badly.

All I learned from you is that wanting people leads to failure and pain.

But I wanted someone to love me

Somewhere is a line like

Love will come around if you want it enough

But I know now it doesn’t.

Because I wanted it from day one,

And you taught me I was unlovable.

And he taught me I was unimportant.

I hate dreaming about you.

I hate dreaming about him.

I have to wake up and feel everything all over again and I don’t want to.

It’s all rolled up in this ball of pain,

Part of me really believed he was the one.

Part of me really believed you were.

Now all of me believes there’s no one for me

And I don’t know what I did to deserve it.