Elucidating Questions

I want to go home.

Started when I was far from what I thought was home but never settled

I ask myself, usually bitter through tears

Well where’s home then?

It’s like crying over a lover that never happened

What are you crying about you don’t even know what you missed.

Or a person you never met

You don’t even know why you’re crying

Stop it

So I try to answer these questions, gets my mind off of how much I hate every tear

I hypothesise

Perhaps

Maybe

If I think about it

When I really think about it

Swept away by thought I ignore the initial pull and turn my face to the sky

Screaming

Silently screaming as loud as I can

Mostly yelling about the stupid autocorrect, but

It’s not here if

I have to think it away if I don’t

No matter what that word is connected to

No I don’t want to feel that way,

So if I don’t know what I’m looking for

Pretending not to see the glaring answer

Conscious deception of self

Difficult complex thought processes

The ring moved itself I have no recollection of when.

If I could I would pack up and leave today

To be as far away from the answer as I could be

Instead I pretend it’s somewhere out there.