Elucidating Questions

It’s hard to even come to an end and look back and say

I feel this way because

It’s this mass of my confused and pained emotions dusted with pixie flower rainbow…shit.

And then this big bluish blackhole that sucks it all in and I don’t know what happened

I don’t know if I did something, or if it’s nothing and I’m just not good enough or if it even mattered at all or what when I was trying to stop the stars from going out

Like whatever that was about and the fear of the very thought of losing him made all of it worth it at the time but coming this far without even a shred

Of indication

Except that one comment

Which took as backhanded

Maybe

Wouldn’t it be lovely if it was all entirely in my head and there was a figment of a chance

That I could still be found

I hate it

But it’s never going down because I don’t even know which actions were wrong or why and that makes it so much harder to change it so it never happens

I don’t even know what it is.

With every dying breath will my answer to your question

Still be

Why?