Elucidating Questions

The numbness of the day keeps the love away

What love?

None, I imagined it, don’t mind me.

Sometimes my mind tricks me into believing someone could love me.

I fix it though. I’m not stupid anymore.

I don’t fit, but the rain was nice.

Don’t have to run from your shadow when it isn’t present.

A strange liberation,

Short lived and meaningless nonetheless

The list of people who give up on me grows

The list of people who I give up on stays the same.

Saturdays are for drinking and partying and mating rituals I don’t understand because I’ve never taken part

How do you actually hold someone’s hand

When do you do that

No.

Stop getting ahead of yourself.

Because you already know the answer is never.

I don’t fit.

Here or there or anywhere.

It’s just so much easier to pretend in the land of the sun that nothing can get me

It’s easier than facing all this pain here all alone…every day…

Or that I’m strong enough, stronger for some reason.

I’m just tired of being the reciever

And no one needs to hear any of it

Writing it doesn’t help.

Singing used to help but all the songs hate me.

Sometimes I look up and I think

But I’m here right? I’m real right?

But all I see is lives around me existing without need of me and the silence answers perfectly

I’d be better off dead, but here I am.

And I don’t know why.