Elucidating Questions

I don’t care about the future.

I am not building myself anything.

I’m not budding or blossoming

I’m withering.

I was in the prime of my life

With my father’s chains around my neck

And when I finally got free of them

I was trapped inside my own body

Watching as things I used to do so easily disappeared

Watching as my mouth stumbled over words I knew

Watching as one by one

They walked away.

Memories

People

Things I used to enjoy

Everything

Left me to my internal eternal hell.

I struggled to try, to try anything because

Every time I put energy in and nothing comes back

I don’t have any energy left to keep myself

And when I work on myself I don’t have enough left to keep myself

In this world that keeps spinning

I’m not strong enough

It’s wonderful to look at yourself and see that

I’m just a failure of society that would have and should have been left to die in the moment I was born

Because I was always going to be this.

I’m not good enough for this world.

No one can carry me

But you’ll carry them.

So why can’t I die?