Elucidating Questions

Somewhere deep inside I still believed,

I was important.

Somewhere deep inside I still believed,

People missed me when I was gone.

The abrupt snap,

The jerk back to reality,

When I realised it wasn’t true.

There is no fallout.

No it wasn’t just him, it was him, my heart can’t take how much having feelings ruined my life.

Despite

Despite my belief, held foolishly,

I was taught the truth through the winter.

The truth hurts.

I wish I had never been shown.

I wish I could still live in ignorance and bliss thinking that people care about me,

That I was wanted and needed, that it was all in my head that I could disappear.

But it’s not.

The reality is that, I wake up every morning

Hoping there will be someone, something, an indication that I’m more than just

Just some nothing that no one ever needs.

Or something to get something from.

I had myself foolishly convinced that if I was my true self, people would love me,

That my true self was something people wanted,

Anything positive.

I thought I was important.

I now wake up every morning,

As reality closes in, I can’t breathe, I can’t find it, that stupid foolish belief.

I wake every morning knowing the truth.

It’s been over half a year and,

This is the one thing I know for sure is true,

Reality hurts,

And no one is going to help you.

I used to think everyone has something to live for,

I used to think all the people I dreamed of were someday within reach,

I used to think people would support you if you came out and said what you needed.

I was wrong.

I just wish it was easier to go.

I’ve tried everything and I still wake up every morning

Wishing I was dead,

So that the morning could be better for everyone else.

A morning where I am not present, would make everything better.