Elucidating Questions

In the second dimension my mind had me believing something good was going to happen

It’s going to get better hold on

The words that were said felt like brace for immediate impact

My mind had me believe it was only a matter of time

Even in believing it never mattered.

But doubt doesn’t make a solid form

Never in my life had I believed something could happen

And understandingly the best thing it could have been was him

I guess I should have

Because suddenly it felt like my deepest thoughts were on trial and I needed to be perfect but I didn’t know why

Perfect

To be sure isn’t the word I wish to or want to connect to it falls

Into a well of silence the weight of it

Something I’ve never been.

Only ever taught that that was where we came from

I was wrong.

Unlearning the learnt.

Dropped back into the sea of

Figures

And idols

It gets so muddled and frustrating the screaming of someone who has a story to tell who

Sees the word and runs away

A password to hell

The only password needed to ruin me.

I gave you all the passwords

There’s all the words again

In a different lives

It’s not even like I’m surprised I’m more

Really just thinking it wasn’t worth it

How strange

Doesn’t come to mind

Just

What a waste.

It doesn’t change the other face,

This rambling falling piece

Wondering silently how the rhyme of the mother tongue goes

With a face as blank as the mask I put on every day to hide that under that mask

If you tear it back,

The words backwards are despair.

It you translate the tone.

And thoughts entering unbid because nothing has been solid

Living forever with this feeling of if only just a bit more

This but must be huge, wandering through years of emptiness.

If you ask me a year it’s gone.

The year I reach back for,

The life I begged to have not end

I still wish to go back to those easily passed days where

Even if nothing was fine it was fine because

I did it.

Easily dropped in the sea of every other day

Missing the chances to say I did it or

Prove I did and the craziness of some no one kid who just wanted to show the best of this to everyone

I wonder if I captured that image

I never seem to fit in the lines.