Elucidating Questions

I’m trying so hard not to crash.

Trying to keep my body functioning as my hands seize and my mind feels as hazy as the sky up above

Trying to keep the nausea in check.

It’s just chest pain it’ll go away,

It’s just my fingers not moving right it’ll go away.

Did you say something I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you through the fog.

I’m trying not to crack,

Putting so much work in my only free time is in my dreams the rest is recovery

I lie in bed and wish I could be free,

My limbs feel like led.

This is what it means to have an invisible disease

They say work harder, better, stronger, faster.

I’m struggling to remember what I’m making.

They won’t leave me to work at my own pace

I know it’s not fast enough, but I’m trying so hard

Frustrated with myself as I watch from a step back so tired and lost and confused.

Through the fog I see myself dropping things, making mistakes, I can’t stop it I’m not even on autopilot.

God help me I am so tired I need a means to just…

Rest a while.

My spine aches,

My shoulder blades,

My knees,

My stomach,

My arms,

My hands,

My feet, my head

My heart.

Did I miss anything?

The clothes I wear feel so constricting and they hurt sometimes,

Like they’re wrapped too tight but I

Am trying so hard not to crash because

No one can catch me if I fall.

There’s no safety net for me and my invisible disease.