Elucidating Questions

Connection.

Someone who notices when I’m not doing well.

Who I notice when they’re not doing well.

Someone to cuddle up to when that moment hits me or

Just sit quietly sometimes

A connection

Someone who actually knows me who doesn’t look at me like some

Alien thing.

I know I’m not normal I know I don’t do what everyone else does I know there are things about me that are “off”.

Connection someone who knows what those things are but doesn’t care or

Knows why

Or something

Someone.

Just one, that’s all I ever wanted was one I like people that’s why I interact accidentally I know I’m not wanted

I’ve forgotten how to

Be without being explained first

I feel like everyone is always warning people about me like I do bad things but I try so hard not to

Connection,

Someone who sees the good I try to do instead of all the mistakes I just

I’m here standing on two feet while inside I’m so curled in on myself I don’t know where I end and the darkness begins

Someone who recognises me and knows I’m just so scared

I tried not to hurt you,

Or anyone,

But I’m here so I must have but I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry but it never matters

How many times I say sorry

Someone who would see the tears and know I mean it I’m so sorry

I wish I could get through a day without crying but

Maybe someone who wouldn’t hate me for crying or brush it off I know I do it a lot but it hurts so much

To never see a friend in the crowd or to know that even if I did I know they don’t know me as well as I wish

But I don’t know what to do with who I am

Or what

Or whatever.

Some bullshit about instinct I wrote it

I’m human.

Basics answered,

But I need connection I crave connection I keep reaching out in search of connection

But I have this eighteen year hole where

Everyone just leaves and I am so afraid of

Everyone…