Elucidating Questions

You don’t understand.

If I listen to my heart I feel that tug from it like

Just go it’ll all work and it doesn’t work that way

My poor heart doesn’t listen if I listen it says

I still love him and I don’t know why

I’m still waiting for him to call me

I still look at my phone, stare at the notification and wish

I still wanted to be just a bit closer

I can’t control it and it’s not fair stop.

Just stop.

I can’t let it go farther than there because it comes with the following

What have I done?

And if it doesn’t work then I can’t be the one

So why is it that when I think about where I wanted to be now and how I wanted it to be it’s not this life

Is there another me living a parallel life who did it right and got all the right answers and didn’t

Crash and burn like a disgusting pig in the mud

Like me

I hate listening to my heart because all it does is lie to me.

About how much it loves all these people which is cute because

That’s not possible or at least one of them would love me back so

Why would I listen to it?

It got me in this fucking mess.

There is no one I hate

Except myself and this hellish sentence

That never ends where all the time I spend is with me.

It’s with me…

I hear other people laughing and other people having a good time and other people

I just wanted to have a good time too

But it’s never a good time.

So I look to the sky like a child and wait until Saturn appears because

At least

The planets are still here…

Just because they can’t leave, or I tell myself and then it gets cold

I’m so tired.

I want to go home.