Elucidating Questions

Of course it wouldn’t make me feel better,

If I had him for another one night nothing

It was just a game and I don’t like it,

I never did.

The only way it would make me feel better is if he somehow,

But it wouldn’t change how it is now.

It’s never going to make it better,

Every day when the thought comes in,

I can’t escape starting back at one every day even when I don’t want to and it makes me

It makes me wish I wasn’t here anymore,

But what good does wishing do anyways?

Anything.

Better now?

I hate this.

It enters without asking permission.

I took it all and then

Nothing happened and I can’t give it back.

Would it make me feel better?

What possibly could,

I can’t imagine anything good happening to me.

I tried.

And all I did was end up feeling guilty for thinking and feeling what I did.

How could I ever allow myself to answer that question.

When he isn’t ever where I wanted him…