Elucidating Questions

I will talk myself in circles instead of talking to you.

I will sob in my room for hours instead of telling someone I need help.

If I contact you, I need help.

End of story.

I didn’t contact you because I wanted to chat.

I am at the point where I need to know there is another living, breathing, person

If they can see me it’s better.

I probably tried to talk to you once and it didn’t go as planned so now I’m afraid to talk to you again

If I keep trying I love you.

If I start telling you these things you don’t want to hear I need to know you love me too

Because I don’t.

I hate being here,

In this place where every good moment slips into the ocean that is the rest of the day like so many grains of sand washed away on a beach.

If I came out of no where,

I was desperate.

If I told you anything about me, I wanted to know about you to.

I’m afraid to say I’m lonely for fear of people being offended that I am alone.

I’m afraid to say I’m suffering for fear of people being offended that I am suffering.

I am afraid of you.

End of story.

There is a part of me that will always fear what people do because

I was told everyone had a

Point where they would leave me because they’d get tired of me

And I often ask once

Can we meet?

And then give up when the answer is

.

Or,

Maybe later because I noticed

Later never comes and I’m not accusing you of forgetting I exist but I don’t feel like I exist and I need to

And above all the worst part is

I don’t want to kill myself

Myself wants to kill me.

I can’t even come up with a reason why

But I keep losing myself in moments when

I’m feeling all alone again and it’s been

48 hours and all I’ve seen is letters on a rectangle.

Or interactions with shop people scripts exchanged for scripts.

Not one human touch but to push by or out of the way.

I hope every person on this planet who needs human interaction as much as I do

Never lives a life where this is reality

Every

Days.