Elucidating Questions

I was once convinced that I would get what I need, I had been alone for so long I forgot what it felt like to speak.

I saw this brightness and I don’t know why I believed it

But I did and just as soon as this

Divine intervention

Came the question

Why?

Why me?

No straight answer,

I never felt like I was anything the only way I could be worth it was if I

Became

Worth it.

I tried.

I wanted more than anything to be worth saving

If they were going to save me there had to be a reason

Between the gentle feelings the

Get away from the door

The word and things I felt

As I tried to be what I needed

No one wanted that so I turned to

What everyone wanted

They don’t know it’s not what they want at all.

Right around this time

You and I we were both in the same place

Does it echo on the other side of the scream?

I know which of us it is without thinking

But the world around us shows others too.

I accidentally showed up at work,

And scared the hell out of a coworker.

You see I don’t know the last time someone saw me,

He started stepping in

I asked him to I should have realised he’d like that

And figure out how.

Keep this mystery

I am on the internet,

But not in real life.

I wanted to get out and be free again,

Real. Solid. Touchable.

I thought I could escape with the heart

Not so but

I think the most distressing thing is that no one has seen me

No one has seen me in

So long

It’s always him and I thought

Someone would notice, I thought

I felt like I loved him so much but when nothing came back I thought

I’ve never been able to be sure of myself and if he’s so sure I’m not important

I guess I made a mistake

I was afraid of that

Of making a mistake

Not that it matters anymore how I felt or still feel or my intentions were never believed.

And midnight happens

It doesn’t surprise me but part of me is still waiting and when I see

Things that remind me

I wonder why he’s not here yet for a moment like none of it happened like

He’s five minutes late he’ll be here any second

I think the clock started as I sat outside thinking

Someone would say something or someone was coming

This has been the longest moment of my life while his goes on and he sees moments and people and he seems like he’s enjoying himself I am glad he is enjoying himself

I

I’m happy for him I just wish I wasn’t trapped

Frozen

Left for once upon a time

I wish I’d left myself

Reasons for people to miss me so they’d want me.

At least then I wouldn’t still be talking to a fucking website

In this data blackhole

I’d have someone to talk to for when the nights

Are so fucking long and the days

I cry because tomorrow is coming.

I wish tomorrow wasn’t coming.