Elucidating Questions

I don’t feel it

The wind on my back could be but a whisper

Felt like through a sheet

But my back is open to the wind

I put my fingertips to glass to try to find the letter to explain how it feels

My fingertips

Feel as though I wear gloves but the letters still come

And I can feel the fingers that hold the rectangle

That holds all my feelings

And I know they must be holding it because I see it

I see it like a surreal dream I wish I could wake up from

I shut my eyes as tight as they will go

In nightmares I need to wake from I close my eyes and open my eyes awake

I just quit the game if I don’t like it

But I am still here and it’s a game I can’t win.

Break the circle

When the circle just breaks me again.

I should have known

Should have known

Should have

Well

You know the rest.

If you don’t it’s a shame.

Everything triggers a song like being bombarded with thousands of voices all the time except it’s music, but a line or a word or a phrase

And the only solace I find is the songs I know and remember

But even the ones I used to hide in while trying to keep my wits about me on the outside

They scare me.

I think,

What if I made someone sing this about me?

What if someone thinks these things about me?

But I hate myself, so I know those songs everyone sings about themselves to make themselves feel good about themselves

Are not being sung to me.

Such beautiful

Something, sometimes my keyboard prompts arrange things.

Can I love now?

And it’s parked right there as if taunting me

It’s the same colour and it wouldn’t matter if it was parked right there because no matter how I am

He doesn’t want me.

So it’s not his, but it makes me think about why it isn’t his.

And that’s what gets me every time.

Before it drags me into nowhere.

I need your help. I can’t fight this forever.