Elucidating Questions

Foolishly.

I look back to February when I believed and didn’t stop believing.

I look back to January when I felt like something was about to happen and I tried to gather together the solution.

I look back to March as I cracked under the pressure all alone always alone.

You’re not alone, they assure me from the other side of a screen, as I look around and know they are lying.

I look back to April as I tried to get back up and I tried to keep believing and I believed if I do something good, maybe it would come back.

But what goes around don’t come around.

And I know you so well now I can’t even be disappointed,

Though I wonder why I’m the only person who feels like I do, I don’t care as much anymore.

It’s just watching through stone eyes,

Really?

Are you joking?

Are you trying to push me?

Because you’re all fucking pushing me and it’s so fucking easy

It’s the shock and the crushing sensation in my chest I’m so used to now I just smash my head my hand against something or claw my face and feel like

Pain deferred.

God it hurts.

I never knew love was supposed to hurt this much, I thought it was supposed to feel good.

But I don’t understand what happened.

Lost in this limbo of never quite knowing…

Never quite understanding…

If I saw you now I don’t think I would be able to breathe.

Hey, you,

You.

The one who isn’t here and I don’t know why and I miss you and every morning is harder

Because I thought I’d never have to spend another without you

今どこ?何でいつも独りにならなきゃいけないの?

It hurts…

Joshua Ramsay is a monster and his three strum alongs are no better.

Is that what you wanted to show me?

…

Why?

All you did was leave me with nothing.

Why did you do this to me?

What’s wrong with humanity?

How the hell did this happen?

The blood is running stale.

The saints we see are not made of gold, but they sure love it more than other living humans.