Elucidating Questions

I don’t want to want to kill myself.

Some part of me wants to stay or wants to want to stay but it never wins.

How dare I want to,

That’s what I get every time.

That or nothing.

All I need is support and the people who I ask for support from just disregard me.

I don’t want to want to kill myself.

I wish I knew you know how I feel because if I had known I would have messaged you every day so you never felt like I feel now.

Even if it was weird and celebrities are too important for people like me

Even if you’re above me and I never would have deserved to see you.

I don’t want to feel this way.

I challenge anyone to spend weeks, months, wearing twenty pound weights around their necks to be the pain I feel

I challenge you to spend weeks in your house no one to actually talk to.

I challenge anyone to want to be the forgotten one.

I challenge any one to be me for a month and then tell me how they feel.

I dare you to tell me my feelings are irrational irrelevant inconsequential

That’s how I feel though.

No one really sees me.

And I should have known better than to fall for someone so out of my league and to have feelings for this awful tugging presence I just want to go away.

Everything reminds me of him and what will never happen.

No matter how many times I try again,

The day just ends up the same.