Elucidating Questions

It has been seven days since I saw someone who wasn’t

Coworker

Or classmate.

So many lines and scripts.

I wish I could have accepted the one invite I got to be a person.

I’m just standing on a different side of the road waiting until I can go again

Trying not to feel but I’m so lonely and I need to do something or my brain eats itself.

But if I feel it hurts so much I can’t breathe.

I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Why did I have to wake up for this?

I don’t want to hear about the things that happened or how it’s confusing.

I don’t want to hear anymore about thoughts I had or feelings or how this sounds like that or how he’s in this song or that or whatever the fuck

On the other side is this

What the fuck do you want from me?

All I ever wanted from you was company and you fucking turned it sexual.

You fucking asked for me.

You fucking keep putting it there.

I just wanted to see you and instead I get shit fucking all

And a dream where you sent me a selfie of you having a good time partying in the dark where I still couldn’t even see your fucking face

I can’t even escape your absolute bullshit in my dreams anymore.

You were never invited to those.

I already have to deal with him every night

Feeling loved and not questioning it and seeing it and waking up and willing myself to forget it and remember every other dream that tries to slip away.

Either set me free or make me forget both of them completely.

I wish I could wake up and have no fucking clue who I am.

I fucking wish I could.