Elucidating Questions

Once you’re gone in your memory I live

But I had so much I wanted to say to you and now you’re gone and do those things I want to say

As I say them in your memory because I wanted to say them to you but you’re gone and I can’t…

Do they still mean anything without there being another end to the thread?

Do the threads die I know they are cut

Do they die?

When I lost you did I lose every whispered I love you, did I lose every smile you made for me accidentally, when I lost you did I lose?

What did I lose?

Am I wrong to keep reaching to them

I feel like I have something for them but I don’t know what it is and I can’t just show up there like

Hi, you don’t remember me but I remember you

I lie awake and try so hard not to think of him

You him them I am

So busy in my head and I’m lonely but I’m not fucking dead

And I tread through these waters they’re not shallow,

They’re over my head and I just wanted a place for it

Because what if

No

Not what if today was my, what if today was your

In your memory,

I spend every day like today isn’t my

But it’s someone else’s and I don’t know who else that may be

So I tell you I love you and I try to say everything that would consume me if I lost the chance to say

In your memory I fear losing every day but

Because that’s exactly what I would have wanted someone to say, and I heard it in the music I didn’t deign it from the highs and lows and

It’s scary,

Am I selfish for feeling like no one is afraid to lose me?

Am I selfish for believing the opposite?

I miss you.

Living in your memory, please wait for me before you get on the bus but

Of course you’re waiting you’re every where.

But I miss you and I’m human and you’re not there and I never imagined I needed you there when I didn’t think of you

And now I do every day is

In your memory I thought of every person I wanted to know I loved them because the thought of losing them

怖い

嫌だ

He just looked so sick.

In your memory I realised I needed you

And I realised all these people I needed and I wanted them to know they were needed but

Humanity’s greatest flaw is its need to be reciprocated. Recognition.

It felt very empty when every letter, paper or otherwise

…

I love you. I miss you. I needed you and I didn’t even know you.

She got so mad at me when I mourned Grandma and I’d known her most of my life.

Is everyone mad at me because I didn’t know you?

But in your memory I feel like I know you better now than I ever did as

The songs all became letters

And it shakes me to my heart wrapped back into shape by bits of string, glue, bones and tape

What if I lose more of them before I get the chance to say

I love you

And I’d return your call any day.

Because you were there for me and I never wanted to take any one of them for granted.

Because when the one light you didn’t realise was holding up your sky

Loses the fight you’d been silently walking together through time

The sky gets so heavy.

And I can’t let go because

Someone somewhere needs to know that I would stand by them if I could

I swear

I don’t care

And I never thought of the next part,

But I don’t care who you are

Because I think everyone deserves to know

They’re needed.