Elucidating Questions

Because I’m still sitting in the centre and missing over there

Waiting for my life to begin and

I see beauty and strangers.

And the water crashes behind and jumped in front but I’m facing where I miss

And trying to ignore who I miss.

Because the music just still sounds like lies or like it’s yelling about me and I lost the ability to sing about

Why would I sing about

No one wants me to.

Because it’s been only half of a decade long year and I’m so tired.

I’m alone.

I’m falling and weak.

It doesn’t matter who the one is when I sit here because it never mattered how much of my heart I put out,

He never wanted it.

Do you know what it feels like to hand your heart away?

How do I trust

That what I felt more than anything

Was right anymore?

I’m still talking to no one sitting at a fountain wishing it was dark enough to see the stars and moon because the sun is too bright and I’m so tired

But I feel guilty for feeling tired of the sun.

Do you?

But every day is just another day

Loudly the loudest said

Want

And I can’t do that, can’t describe how guilty I would feel to want

Not allowed to want humans not if they don’t want me

Not allowed to want things because they’re just things and I don’t want things.

I want indescribable feelings that come with not being a tree

Or a fountain

Or a bench

Or a chair

Or me,

When someone looks you in the eyes, and you know they see who your me is.