Elucidating Questions

It’s not the same, you know it won’t be, I can feel you grinning.

If I start heaping on praise you’ll start thinking you’re the shit again and we can’t have that.

Sometimes you laugh at my expense.

But I love you,

Because I know you know what I know, that you know that I know what you know.

It’s a different love,

But I owe you as little as you owe me and we live like that.

I lie and think I deserve punishment.

You provide me with a bigger lie, a greater lie, a more devastating lie, and ask

Does that person deserve punishment?

Then yell SEE in my ear in a way I can only describe as the ringing that shoots from one side of my head to the other

As I say no.

When I’m beating myself up you’re the songs I skipped past that tried to stop me.

You’re that jolt as something weird happens and in the moment of

What the fuck is that

I look to you and your self satisfied self as I subconsciously acknowledge your existence.

But you know me better than I do,

You don’t even have to speak.

You pout when I’m ahead of you.

How I describe that feeling,

The one that tells me you’re near.

The warmth.

But,

I’m younger than you in my ways,

Not other ways,

And sometimes you laugh at my expense.

So I disqualified you from the race.

Bitch.

I love you.