Elucidating Questions

“I love you”

It’s genuine, I know it is but I don’t know if I’m allowed to reply I hide.

But I love you too.

We’re thinking about it

He says

I know why

I say

Why

And it comes in a flash of our shared understanding it’s coming and we know I felt it last time so I feel the echo or the.

It’s a rush as I return to myself

It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s

It may get harder again, before it gets easier.

I cling to this moment of clarity

When even though I still don’t feel better myself I can see the real and recognise the dreams returning in thoughts

It’s just a white room,

Where we sit in two black wooden chairs with white leather backs and seats.

Sometimes they’re black metal chairs

They always have white backs and seats.

We it feels as I think of it that we just talk for hours and I don’t remember any of it as clearly as the parts that come through in those rushes I try so hard to explain away.

But he’s started looking so tired and I’m worried about him.

Yes you are.

It’s this answer that comes with tired eyes that stare at me and say

A long memory.

So the daylight mind of the exhausted

Who is so tired of being taken for a fool begins

Unraveling it

It’s just a dream

But if it’s just the dream

Why is it still happening

And so on.

And so forth.

But I need him.

He and all the things that click in to place

And don’t pull the floor from my feet

They remind me there isn’t one

I’ve never had to live without him.

If this is what it’s like

What do I do now?