Elucidating Questions

I wake up again and reality sets in.

I’m still alone and my mind which tells me I will always be alone is still right.

And he’s still over there making music like I don’t exist.

And he’s still over there having a good time like I don’t exist.

And I still find these little disgusting signs that point me in his direction like

Like that’s going to fix it.

Like oh look these two things happened in parallel

But it still means nothing.

He still doesn’t see me and I’m still

Inconsequential

Invisible

Unimportant

Nonintegral

No one even looked.

I should laugh because it’s not worth it,

Waking up ever day.

It’s not worth it to wake up to this and life never had a meaning but without him it’s just

One big hole.

It’s just one big darkness I don’t want to see anymore.

They can’t tell me it will get better while disregarding me and disappearing.

Billions of lives who wouldn’t give me the time of day.

I’m too tired for this continuation…

I’m just waiting until I can think of a way that will actually work.

I don’t want to fail again.

And I don’t want to wake up anymore.