Elucidating Questions

It’s warm or it feels like it, mostly.

The internet is breaking and I feel this electrical sting on my skin and I’m not surprised but it feels like someone is knocking on my skull and it’s a hammer

Is he judging me before I’ve even gone down I wonder?

Or is he trying to get my attention but I’m so tired of being beyond tired and I loved him

And I still believed up until today that we were

But then I realised I couldn’t do it and I knew,

That’s when I knew I couldn’t live with myself anymore.

I can’t hear the words about money endlessly anymore

I can’t live on food that tastes like nothing anymore

I can’t live knowing that I’ve hurt him anymore

I can’t live because I am so tired.

I’m so tired of wishing I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow.

When is the dawn of this? When was it supposed to be please don’t let this happen

Of course it was interesting watching and I don’t have much left to say besides I won.

Because in the end I convinced every facet of myself that I did not deserve to be here and no one proved me otherwise.

I don’t know anymore. If I wanted to be loved, accepted, supported, or just talked to sometimes.

I can’t live with myself who lost me my family I can’t live with myself who lost me my friends and I can’t live with myself who let me get this far without ever having someone who would lie beside us through the night and love us regardless

Someone who would love getting our stupid little love notes

I can’t live with me.

Why should anyone else have to?