Elucidating Questions

Fathers pass on their life to their children.

He told me no one would want anything from me but money,

I tried to say he was paranoid, but I was afraid and he ended up being right.

He told me that they would all get tired of me and I would end up alone,

I tried to say he was cynical, but I was afraid and he ended up being right.

He told me no one would want me because I go against the grain, he told me I tried too hard to not fit in,

I tried to believe I would find someone who loved that about me, but I was wrong and he ended up being right.

Every time I look it’s like he’s in the corners smiling because he was right and I was wrong and I can’t escape this monster

I run up the stairs feeling like I’m being chased, I trip down the stairs as the feeling gets me mid step.

The words he said I tried to move past as the memories of hell faded and the teenage years disappeared

The words still echo between my ears like a daily tape,

A never ending song

I can’t escape from so I hid in the music,

But I found this one I wanted more than anything and I went for it for something I felt like…

It was impossible for us to meet any other way and we had so much in common but…

He was right.

It’s sick. It’s sicker than anything part of me just wanted to prove him wrong because if he’s wrong can’t I let go of everything he ever said to me

It’s your job to take care of them because your mother left.

Your mother doesn’t love you she left you.

You’re responsible for them you’re the eldest.

No one will like you if you be yourself.

No one wants anything from you but money, if you don’t have anything your worthless.

I wanted it to be wrong.

It’s sick.

Subconsciously beyond reaching out for someone I thought could be something so I could be something to someone

I just wanted to be free of this feeling like no matter what I do,

He’s right.