Elucidating Questions

Flash back.

Have you ever been fifteen and had your father slam a door centimeters from your face.

Have you ever been ten and had your father chase you down the stairs because he was angry?

Have you ever been eighteen and had your father kick your cat instead of you?

Have you ever been eleven and run through the forests like a wild child.

Have you ever been ten and had a guy who’s been touching you for months shove his hands down your pants because you need a massage and then cheated in a race around the church you both go to running for your life in hopes that he could never do it again.

Have you ever been ten and begged not to go to church only to have your parents force you to take a babysitting class so they can dump their children on you for the rest of your youth.

Have you ever been ten and the only hiding place was the family that adopted you…kind of.

Have you ever been fourteen and losing your mind in the basement as you’re cut off from everyone and everything you ever knew that was safe.

Have you ever been fifteen and watched as both families lost faith in you.

Have you ever been six and everything in life was easy and there was food in the cupboards.

Only to be seven and have all of it come crumbling down. Knowing what money is and that everyone wants it.

Have you ever been seven and watched your parents fighting in the kitchen because your father has said the words “everything is her fault” because you where the eldest and your mother still fought back then.

And then she didn’t. And then she was self destructive, abusive, and then she was very sick. And stopped living for a few years.

And then she was gone and your father told you everything to hate her,

Some days I still fight it.

Were you ever 27 and sitting on a ledge outside your house,

Jumping through time as the PTSD hits and trying to find a way back through figuring it out, whatever it is these days,

Wishing someone would put a hand on your shoulder and go for a walk.